Exactly Four Months Later

Today, exactly 4 months after I found the lump, I am finally able to get the results of my lymph node extraction. 

I’d had to wait an additional week for the results due to the surgeon’s annual leave, which was frustrating but I managed to keep myself busy so I wasn't thinking too much about the next steps. 

I tried to keep any thoughts I did have as positive - I caught the cancer early, last time the cancer was more aggressive and it hadn’t spread to the lymph nodes, the tissue they had removed in my first operation was clear. 

But I also had the little niggles - the lump was situated closer to the lymph nodes this time would that make a difference? Can the lymph nodes still have cancer even if the surrounding tissue is clear?

I REALLY don’t want to have chemo again. I found this harder to cope with than the surgery last time and although I know I can pull of a cute pixie cut, I love my long hair. Not to mention all the side effects of the chemo and steroids you have to take alongside it. 

The difference with where I am now and being a cancer patient on chemo is massive. 

For one, anyone looking at me now wouldn’t be able to tell what I’ve been through (certainly not with my clothes on!)

But the puffy face, nausea and tiredness that accompanies chemotherapy would mean I would outwardly look like a cancer patient. 

For me this whole process has been so much easier to cope with because I don’t look any different, and it’s a case of fake it till you make it. 

This is much harder to do when everyone can see you’re ill. 

So as I sat with Mark in the waiting room this time I could feel my blood pressure rising and the 30 minute wait didn’t help with my nerves. 

When I finally got called through the nurse said I would be seeing a doctor whose name I didn’t recognise. 

This raised my hopes a little as surely Mr Cathcart would tell me bad news himself?

I went into the consulting room and sat down opposite a very kind faced man. 

He asked how I was and had my wound healed ok, was there any dressing left on it. 

I was fine, would had healed nicely, no dressing .. what are my results please????? 

He said they took 5 lymph nodes and they were all clear. 

I had to ask him to confirm. They’re clear? No cancer? And he said yes, all clear. I looked at Mark and we were both smiling, massive smiles. I think I even did a double air grab as I said “Yes”. 

I felt such relief and joy. I actually thought I was going to cry. The weight that fell from my shoulders was enormous. 

I didn’t really care what else the doctor had to say but basically my next steps are all with the Oncology team who I was being passed to next. 

I would meet with my oncologist in a couple of weeks to discuss the endocrine therapy and I would be on that for 5, 7 or maybe 10 years. 

I asked him about the rippling that I was getting on the newly reconstructed side and he said they wouldn’t look to do anything with that for at least 6 months to a year as it will probably settle down. 

I was a little disappointed with this as I’ve been working on my fat stores in my 6 weeks of sedentary living ready for harvesting with liposuction! 

Looks like it’s back to the gym and less chocolate for me instead! 

I asked him what type of mesh was used in my reconstruction as I haven’t been told before (I’d left it to Mr Cathcart to choose). 

He took a painfully long time to find in my notes that it was a man-made mesh so would remain in-situ and not dissolve over time like the bovine one would. 

I didn’t really care either way to be honest, I just thought it would be good to know what was in my body. 

He examined my armpit wound and confirmed it had healed nicely. I should keep massaging it with cream or oil to help break up the scar tissue to help prevent cording. 

He was really impressed with my mobility. In the last week I’d managed to get almost full range back with my arm. 

After redressing he confirmed I won’t see the surgical team for another 6 months now while all the endocrine stuff gets sorted so he shook my hand and sent me on my way. 

In the corridor outside the consulting room Mark and I had a massive hug. 

I walked back through the waiting room with a lightness in my step I hadn’t had in a while. 

In the car on the way home Mark said “so that’ll be the end of your blog then” and I said no I’m going to need to tell them all about my menopause experience! 

So although this post does conclude the surgical part of my journey I will continue to update it with my endocrine treatment rollercoaster that is still to come. 

Feel free to stick around to see if I become a monster, a snivelling wreck or a sweaty mess (maybe all three)!